writer's whiplash

...something of the sort.  In the case of me, this is exactly what-sit after taking three weeks of blitz-packed overseas vacationing with no time to blog out each memorable day. Days that I dare not forget.  The longer it takes to catch up on those daily entries the more daunting the very idea of doing so becomes.  Unnecessary self-inflicted Gehenna? Nah.  It's an odd pleasure. Thankful for the daily journal to help with short term memory clogs amidst ongoing life and blog juggling.  And yet, that journal continues to get filled with each passing day...because oddly enough, it's the new favored leisurely before night's slumber.  It could take months, not weeks, to get just those three weeks worth of blog entries up.  Maybe somewhere in there, the ability to catch and correct all spell/grammar glitches before publish will be perfected.  This is the humble admission that privileged readers of this private blog are being [....er....um...] blessed by the world's worst editor.  Much appreciation for those that can graciously smile their way through for the time being.  And to those that actually enjoy the detailed sentiments of those travel-tagged and Philippines-tagged blog entries....thanks for  delighting in them.

  

The bugger eating my roses

Amidst Lonely Moments

there is no such thing as peace
for it can only exist where there are two souls or more in harmony.
the silence gets louder
and so does the sound of only one heart beating
laughter dwindles to non-existance
for where is humor without another soul to help create and point it out
dreams have no purpose
when there are no kindred spirits to help make them worth chasing and bring to fruition....

©MyAsia1972

In the Moment of Pain

Where do broken hearts go? Do they really have a home? And if they do , they still go in search for the one place they can't be found. Some place dark, but warm. Dark enough to hide the scattered pieces as they helplessly beat in search for rhythmic harmony once again.

Every beat throbs in pain longing for Understanding and Hope that seem millions of miles away beyond the reaches of her pulsating pain that grows by every agonizing second.

For where there was once a blissful existence between Love, Passion, Dreams and Wisdom
these off balanced chambers heavily pulse in search for meaning that now seam lost.

Yet in these throbbing painful times, a broken heart can not stay hidden in the darkness for too long lest any more hurt should find her and she be further crushed. The longer she stays the closer the danger.

If she's not strong enough to pull all her pieces back together and crawl out of hiding it could be the end of "life" as she once knew it. Love, Passion, Dreams and Wisdom will elude her until a compassionate other finds her curled up and imprisoned in her web of sorrows.

If his chambers can pull her pieces back together and out from the dark shadows she can live once again. But until then her cries will remain faint and hidden in the dark shadows of brokenness.

©MyAsia1972

change your mind, change your world

When your thoughts and your feelings support and encourage and amplify each other, truly great things happen. When your creativity is enabled by discipline, and when your thoughts are energized by passion, nothing is out of reach. - RalphMarston

People don't realize the positive impact they make with one compliment or uplifting statement to each other until it becomes a habit. Rather, they don't realize the magnitude. One's general belief in themselves for accomplishing great things is fed. Life dreams are revisited and evaluated. Efforts into making them happen are made. Discipline, including self discipline, is welcomed and applied. Dreams and life goals become the passion and ambition that drives one to excellence. Failures don't even exist. Only challenges exist. Obstacles are not impossible to overcome. The sky is not even the limit.

I've Seen.......

• the sunset paint the sky
• my husband run into a flock of birds on the beach [California]
• my child breath their first breath
• clouds fall into the valley below us
• baby turtles emerge from the sand on the beach [with Beth Langford at 3am at Myrtle Beach the weekend of her brother's wedding]
• my friends swim above stingrays on the Jamaican beach [Mobay-Jackson Fong]
• my kids sa-wish their first BB basket in game
• my perfectly formed son weeks after he died in my womb
• all azure shades hugging stunning shorelines
• lush green tropical plants decorate a backyard to envy [San Fransisco]
• God paint Alaska winter sky
• moose under my living room window [Alaska]
• a gorilla beat his breast in frustration of too many human spectators [Chicago Zoo]
• the Andes mountains heavily laced with snow from the sky
• winding jungle rivers in the rain forest from the sky [Ecuador]
• the river beach where five missionaries were killed by fearful jungle warriors [Ecuador]
• scattered rain clouds shower the desert [Arizona]
• the sunset dress the mountain in pink hue
• city lights decorate the skyline
• the face of my birth father that reluctantly gave me up at God's mercy
• yellow desert flowers decorate the top of cactus
• humming birds fly "still" in mid air
• the white snowy skies melt into white mountains making it impossible to distinguish between the two [Alaska]
• turquoise water peacefully flow under 6 feet of snow and ice [Alaska]
• a city loudly light up the sky with beautiful colors into the new year [Philippines]
• a worldwide lighting celebration with millions of fireworks into the mellinium
• aerodynamic shapes break through the sky at soaring speeds

Writer's Cramp

Been doing a lot of writing that's going to be eventually be put into music. But I think I'm going to buy copyright before sharing on my blog.

Love how the mind explodes and ralphs harmoniously with my my tapping fingers. There is a novel in progress at the mean time. But for the same reasons as described in the first paragraph, will hold off sharing. Naturally, my own requisite for putting one together was that it has to have an island setting.

Tomorrow I'm spending the day in Payson with a close friend. It's a two hour drive that needs to happen since it seems like a century ago that we last laughed and shared our beautiful and ugly human sentiments of life. Trying to get Felicia to go with me. I s'pose I should give her a buzz to find out for sure ASAP because tomorrow will come with just a blink of an eye.

I grow with positively anxious anticipation as the waiting game has begun. Michael started submitting his resume. I have my druthers for the ideal-y next move. But all the required pieces have yet to fall in their perfect place of ingredient. Mum's the word. However, a handful of locally treasured friends have been informed.

I've grown tired and weary of this place. But that's developed over time. Hubster's talents should be suppressed no longer and neither should my overflowing need for getting out of this dry air and back into humidity. My skin and lungs grow weary of the desert. Now that I've learned/experienced a few more painful things about humanity and it's effect on so called friendships, the time for new ones in a new geographic region is long overdue. Mike's talents need to be stretched. I need and anxiously pine for....not this place. A new place to re-strategize the development of new social and circles.

God Inspired

Seen the movie? Saw it with Sue last night. Not exactly what I was expecting. It's a movie for every Christian. Put's a new perspective on.....not going to ruin it for you. I'm perplexed, surprised, impressed and wowed that Hollywood took on the story/concept. It's a keeper, it's a buy, it's actually God inspired......

MUSE

You are....
My muse,
The fire burning this heart of mine,
The one I think of when I wake up to a fire warming, grey and cloudy day.

Thoughts of you flood my sentimentally sappy heart with every cozy sip of mocha latte
Mentally racing through the memory files, a few chuckles escape the momentous silence
While biting into a slightly sweetened morsel, sweet sentiments of your childlike laughter ring harmoniously through memory's halls.

The shimmering glaze atop the petite sugary delight reminds me of, but still doesn't come close to, the sparkle in your eyes everytime you laugh.
The laugh which melts away nearly all insecurities and reminds me there's nothing conditional between us.

Because of you, every rainy day, every cloudy day, and every fiercly stormy day can be enjoyed with a few cozy comforts.

Gift Defined

I find it incredibly intriguing that anyone would define the professional education [tested into certified practitioning] as a "gift" of healing.

The "gift" of any ability has been traditionally defined as acquiring [said] ability without prior experience, training, education...etc. Something almost parallel to supernatural. When Jesus walked on the earth, He had and used the obvious gift of healing which required no use of herbs, adulterated drugs, medical equipment[s]...etc.

A wise practitioner does not put himself or herself above all other human beings and assume the position of authority over the well-being of inquiring clients. Twelve [or more] years in medical school tends to create such an egotistical mindset that "I, as your chosen doctor know more than you and you should seriously think ten times before questioning the validity of my bold requirements/suggestions". There are several things wrong with such an approach to any fellow human being just because they have not been professionally educated in the field of medicine:

1. [the #1 obvious] Practitioners make the mistake of putting themselves up on a pedestal and talking down to their inquiring fellow human being.
2. The above is followed by the psychological and verbal act of denying the client's ability to question and think for themselves...and educate themselves as to how they ended up in the doctor's office, and if what the doctor is saying and prescribing helps put the pieces together in their mind.
3. It's unfortunate, but doctors are actually educated in believing and behaving as if an "uneducated" individual has no business taking their God-given responsibility in questioning all medical claims and suggestions. So, this is how they respond to clients.

There are a few reasons why all trust and liability should not be fully surrendered to practitioners. On July 26, 2000, one of the US medical community's most respected and honored public-health experts, Dr. Barbara Starfield, revealed her findings on healthcare in America.

The landmark Starfield study, “Is US health really the best in the world?”, published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, came to the following conclusions:

Every year in the US there are:

12,000 deaths from unnecessary surgeries;
7,000 deaths from medication errors in hospitals;
20,000 deaths from other errors in hospitals;
80,000 deaths from infections acquired in hospitals;
106,000 deaths from FDA-approved correctly prescribed medicines.
The total of medically-caused deaths in the US every year is 225,000.

This makes the medical system the third leading cause of death in the US, behind heart disease and cancer.


Having relayed all that information, one should make note that I do so soly to extend caution to those that believe doctors make zero mistakes in diagnosis, recommendation or procedures.  While the above stats are rightfully alarming, there is still much to appreciate in modern medicine.

Social Roulette

That should be the second name for Facebook. Avid users put themselves on the line everytime they update their status. Especially when their status update[s] takes issue with subject[s] in which their hearts take passionate tugs.

Relational individuals should most likely think twice before opening an account. They are more likely to be counting the number of friends they collect. Their hearts sink when a "friend" takes issues with their verbalized passion and goes so far as to take them off their list. OUCH. My year long developed opinion of severing action is that not everyone can handle their own personal differences of opinion with others. If they could, they wouldn't perceive "opinionated" posts as a personal attack so intolerable. Such has been my experience as I've made the significant choice to air personal standings on varying issues. Grant it, in doing so, the choice to make myself vulnerable to the judging social panel has also been made. The strongly relational heart sinks very low when an apparent cyber severing takes place. It's very personal for the severing shows the obvious sign[s] of just how conditional the relationship really is. How human. How painful.

In one severing, deliberately cutting statements were made. While I was accused of being an egotistical fanatic in my viewpoint lacking compassion for others, I couldn't help but make note of the obvious...that the "opponent" didn't exactly keep herself above approach. While I typed out my love towards her, she had no ability to reciprocate. The only reply to that was "I don't doubt you love me". It was important that I be informed of my lacking talents as a mother and human being. But oh, don't worry, "I will stay in touch through your husband because I care about your kids".  Even more cutting was the "get a proper education, it'd be a beautiful thing for you children".  So, no matter what my opinion, no matter the hundreds of hours poured into scientific and medical literature, regardless of the fact that she put herself in a position for questioning and debate/discussion by making her post on facebook, and the fact that [woe is me] I have feelings to... this was her obnoxious way of telling me the lack of "proper education" trumps any level of my intelligence and any social rights on the subject.  It's not certified so I have no room to talk.

Where was her compassion?  Where was her heart?  None the less, she couldn't see beyond her own pride  and grief over her children's medical circumstances to reasonably and intelligently accept my words at face value.  It would've hurt her inflamed ego far too much to consider that maybe...just maybe I wasn't blaming her for her circumstances.  Maybe....just maybe her chosen method of prevention didn't work?

 

Fourteen Years

After 14 years of marriage I find myself looking back at those fourteen years and asking myself what of it should be changed, how...and exactly in what time period.

At the forefront is the biggest regret of not fulfilling the dreams [I believe] God planted in me long before I made the decision to utter those words of "I do". Grant it, not all participating ingredients necessary for that to happen were in the pot for 13 years. However, that doesn't remove the regret. Now that all participating ingredients are in the mix, there are 13 years of built up obstacles. The idea of "starting fresh" seems unrealistic.

What was not anticipated was the surfacing of significant issues that footsy-toed with avoidance for far too long. No human being is devoid of issues. However, all have the choice to make the wrong and/or right decisions/moves in dealing with them...depending on the issue[s].

Unfortunately, the happy ending will take a significant time coming. There's much human trash and garbage to dig, shuffle through and get the friggin' heck rid of. Slightly akin to what Adam and Eve must've psychologically and emotionally had to work through after being thrown out of the Garden. I wasn't there, but still humanly judging...close.

On the forgiving upside, I have a man that's unbelievably passionate about us and our future. Should I be asking for more? I'd rather not take that risk. Even better I have a relationship with the God much bigger than any human inflicted issues and/or obstacles.....or sin.

May the God of mercy, grace and compassion be seen in me.........

every able [adult] body.......

I believe and know that it is the God-given responsibility of every [adult] able body to take necessary proactive measures to keep themselves ahead of the unemployment rate. Today's economy has proven time and time again that employment is not a sure security. For those of the mentality that the only right thing to do is to stay employed and take no risks outside of the employment box to better their own finiancial future, where exactly is that backed up in Scripture? Can't find it because it's not there. For one's goal to only be that of being able to keep paying bills, that's a pretty pathetic goal. Have you not been watching the economy of this country [and around the world] for the past several decades? I guess not.

The employment [only] mentality is worse than shortsited. It's actually pretty lazy. Why? Well, for one, in the employment box mindset they are letting someone else direct their future security....at best. At worse....someone else decides for them [everyday] when they can go potty while paying them less than what their efforts are worth....on top of that. Yes, God has a plan for each and every individual heaven bound child of His. But it's not at the hands of another fallible human being. Yet, it's unfortunate, that there are SO MANY that would much rather sign on the dotted employment line than to go beyond and add some other source of option for their financial well being, for which they are responsible. Sounds so much like captalism. Oh, it is!

So, to wish and ponder on greater things and life dreams/goals that require more than a job is willing to pay, one has to deny themselves so much of what God/life actually has to offer. They tell themselves "no" day after day. Either that or they tell themselves, "I can't because I can't afford it". And within a family, they also tell their spouse and their children over and over, "I'm sorry, but no." Is that what God desires for us? No. That's not scriptural either. Sure, He desires a closer relationship with us, more intimacy by the day...etc., but that doesn't label all other God-given dreams and desires for oneself and their family a "sin" to chase after. The God-given freedoms are categorized as "wrong"...as in sin. What a shame. What an absolute shame.

Another problem with not going outside of the employment mindset and taking any "risks" to better one's financial future is that it puts one at even greater risk. It's not about letting go and Giving God full control. It's about giving another human being control. [BTW, the idea of giving God control has been wrongly defined on so many counts it's not funny. By even today's standards, it's not what God actually had in mind]. To take an honest risk at taking some control of your own financial security is nothing by comparison.

Bovine, it's What Was for Dinna

Today was like no other Friday I remember. With great ambition, this morning, I pressed onward with the task I started yesterday in getting the office set up. Plants were moved in, my desktop PC [and all other external PC devices] set up and [much to my disappointment] the wireless receiving device did not have the "guts" to receive WiFi from the other end of the house. That was the beginning of surmounting frustration. Or rather, over stimulation of sorts.

The old dining table, received via Mike's co-worker[s] at the radio station in Albuquerque [in our short "life" there], is my ideal desk size. Atop is one of the glass panels I acquired via yahoo's freecycle groups several years ago. The picture frame glass on one of my favorite beach pictures [30x24] was broken. I removed the picture and inserted it under the glass panel. Once the walls are painted and a few more island decors are added, this office will be the perfect islander's "home away from home". That's the pleasant note.

Now that the office was closer to that ideal "home away from home" I didn't want to leave and find other things in the house that needed to be done ...just yet. So, to make up for not having WiFi the urge to be entertained with some audible secular favorites could not be resisted. The boosting of the turbo base was also in order....all the way up even. After a couple hours, my audio sensories were over loaded. It took another hour for me to connect it with having leaned on the turbo base vibrated dining desk for those several hours. But how to reverse that, I had no remedy for.

At the dinner dining table several hours later......

To add to audio sensory overload irritations, the sound of scraping dining chair legs against the exposed treated concrete floor [as every family member situated their tushes to dine] bounced off all four walls and the concrete floor. It all reverberated through my ear canals and into my head. If it wasn't bovine, in the form of steak, for dinner such reverberation would've typically sent me to an early night's surrender under bed covers behind locked master suite doors.

Bantering amongst the kids was increasingly head shattering. At one point, in my authoritative voice, the point was made: "I am experiencing audio sensory overload". To which Dylan inquires, "What the heck does that mean?" in his juvenile tone.

"It means, shut it" was Michael's response followed by much sick parental giggling between the two of us. I say, "sick" because many parents are far above verbalizing such a response to their own kids.

Mike and the kids waited for me as I rushed a few quiet moments to start this blog before we all cozied on bovine leathered couches to watch a movie. I'm back in the office where I'd rather be where it's quiet, except for the hum of my PC and tapping of my eager fingers on the keyboard. If I were to take full advantage of my authoritative parental reigns, my kids would be in bed hours ago.

Fly By

Just when the weather seemed to be getting better the calender reminds me that summer was already here and it's basically close to departure. People are already talking about enjoying the fall weather. Seriously? My body aches for an extra six months of heat and humidity. Now, if we were already on the island this would not be an issue. Time to get to work and hurry to the islands!!

Koinonia Challenge

We visited a church this Sunday. We went with hunger and search for Koinonia in it's true essence. It was unrealistic of me to expect to find it on the first visit. But even more intriguing was the teaching. It was surprisingly profound and I took from it a new challenge. Okay, so it's not exactly NEW, per se. But it definitely put a new angle on Love. So, now I've been challenged yet again:

Making an invisible God invisible to those around me...with His love....

Wannna try?

Going No Where Fast

In the midst of the the day's rush of errands the cell phone sometimes just doesn't stop ringing. All limbs get pulled from different directions of domestics, social maintenance and business. At Costco that phone rang. Business questions needed to be answered for clients. The person ahead of me at the register...only half their items had been rung up. Mine were still in the cart. Yah, going no where fast and I really didn't care. As soon as the call ended this "guy" gets on the other side of my unloaded cart and says, "Are you going to unload?"

"Yes I am."

Took me a couple seconds to get it registered in my noggin what had just happened. Immediately I'm increasingly feeling socially rebellious against all things taught to me on social etiquette. Are you kidding me? He stands on the other side of my cart the entire time watching me unload. As the seconds ticked I moved slower. Then the inspiration to ask, "UM....are you in a hurry?" came to mind. But at that point I figured it was too late to be a smarty. So I just continued to take my time [without being obnoxiously slow]. And all the while he stayed in front of me, on the other side of my cart watching my every move.

I'm not in the Army. Certainly don't like being rushed for simply nothing. A few minutes later he was in the food court chompin' on processed food and so was I. Weird. I'm not a fan of the selfish American value of "me first" when it's rubbed in my face. But sometimes, I'm no better in my reaction.

THANK GOD FOR HIS GRACE.......

Life as I know it.....

Horseshoe Bend-Page, Arizona

A large framed panoramic would do this picture better justice. To be there is even better. See the boat?

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Life is opportunity....SEIZE IT
Life is love....give it
Life is challenge....take it on
Life is luxury...live it up
Life is sacrifices....make them worth while
Life is guts....get some
Life is precious....live in every moment
Life is struggle....let it make you or break you [take your pick]
Life is delish...eat it up
Life is short....get over yourself and move on
Life is beautiful...embrace it
Life is God's Word....commit it to memory in your heart
Life is family....live, laugh, love, and pray together
Life is a smorgasbord....get laser focused
Life is a lesson....learn from it
Life is fellowship...don't forsake it
Life is growth...let Jesus prune you
Life is ugly....make it beautiful
Life is sanctity...protect it
Life is honesty....don't be shady
Life is success....be coachable
Life is healing....don't be afraid of it
Life is God-authored....don't take it
Life is achievements.....go after them
Life is wealth...God said to invest in it
Life is Truth....it can't be altered
Life is friendships....don't trample on them, but handle with love and be genuine
Life is goals....achieve them
Life is money.... mentioned more times in the Bible than heaven and hell, can't get anywhere without it
Life is integrity....don't ever lose it
Life is currency.....invest it wisely
Life is morals....get some
Life is financial independance...work for it
Life is hard....don't ever give up
Life is reality....face it
Life is adventure...take others with you
Life is facts...it's not worth denying them
Life is hope....help others find it
Life is a treasure.....don't waste a day of it
Life is fragile...handle with love
Life is brutal...don't be a coward
Life is individuality...be respectful
Life is unity.....work together
Life is teamwork....learn to communicate
Life is a blessing....don't begrudge
Life is rich....be responsible
Life is a beach...put your feet in the sand
Life is choices....make the right ones
Life is a bed of roses...get rid of the thorns
Life is responsibility...grow up
Life is science....God is intellectually above evolution
Life is history.....yours is in the Bible
Life is [His] light...soak it all in
Life is changes...learn to adjust
Life is a game...make the right moves
Life is eternity....head towards heave
Life is prosperity....God designed it for you
Life is Jesus....breathe Him in
-Kim Medlin
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Don't be so "good" that you're blinded from the truth
**************

Without GOD our week is.....

MOURNday
TEARSday
WASTEday
THIRSTday
FIGHTday
SHATTERday
SINday

So, how about allowing him to be with you everday?
*********
The adjustments that need to be made in order for one to achieve great success are so small, yet most people don't make them....thus, most don't achieve great success
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An undecided heart is always looking for a way out, but a decided heart puts to death all other options
*************
Your attitude will determine your altitude
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If you don't work you don't deserve to eat.....
**************
Work like a slave and think like a master....because no one gets ahead staying in bed...so when your success comes, it happens by your design and not by default [because it never happens by "accident"]
**************
There's no bad game plan in a proven system for success, just bad execution
************
When you choose opportunity, you change "everybody's" world
***********
Recruit them all and let God sort them out
**********
Some will, some won't so what
*********
Variety is the spice of life, but monotony with a proven system makes you wealthy
**********

Jewel of Mingus

In the middle of arranging and hammering pictures on the walls I noticed that the afternoon rain [with it's still lingering grey clouds] had left a gorgeous view of Mingus Mountain. The sun was out spotlighting the peaks at the perfect angle for every crevice to be laced with it's own shadow. He brought out the lounge chairs from the garage onto the back porch [which we had just emptied of the wooden dining set into the dining room-they had been on the back porch where we ate all our meals from the first day in our custom built home]. I sat in [daily] repeated awe over the luscious beauty of it all that was perfectly jeweled with the promising rainbow. He asked me if I wanted him to prepare a cup of coffee for me to enjoy with the view and I responded with, "well, if you want to miss it. As the sun slowly goes down by the second you will miss every visually changing moment...." So, he took my apparent advise not to move and just let his naked eyes take it all in. We sat there we two. We sat and sat. We watched and watched. We enjoyed the moment. After a few minutes, the Arizona monsoon induced green landscape of Mingus was frosted with the sun's pink "shade". All the while I was thinking, there are people in the "mini vally" below my house [below my porch] that miss this view everyday because of the hills and houses slightly above them on the otherside. Do they have any idea just exactly what they are missing? Would their eyes salivate over it's beauty as mine do? Then with nearly a flash, it had all surrendered to the greying sky turning black into the night. This was last evening's cherishable experience. After a restful night, I've been graced with the morning's lung and skin soothing humid-filled sunlight. And look forward to enjoying what today brings. Tonight.....oh, yes....tonight I look forward to reliving the visually festive moments on my back porch......

Observing the Stems of Depression

There is much to learn from people who experience their lowest valley in life....depression. Most adults that experience this undesirable life chapter share common characteristics that brought them here..........

1. Lack of constructive criticism and mentoring through childhood has a way of opening the door to ISSUES. Sometimes [and for some it's a lot of times] parents mistakenly miss warning signs of their child's inability to understand offenses, hurts and trauma. Children are most vulnerable to the consequences of these [potentially spirit breaking] situations because they lack years of life experience that they would typically have by adulthood. Observant, sensitive and "good" parents take every opportunity to help their children verbally express and constructively work through moments of frustration, hurt, bewilderment, trauma, anger...etc. There are a myriad of situations that bring these on. Many children are suppressed in their need to verbalize. They are suppressed by Mom and/or Dad's inability [for whatever reason] to listen. Through the years this can develop into a ticking time bomb of anger and bitterness on top of the already existing unresolved issues. Once in a while this ticking time bomb might be sparked sporadically until one day it literally explodes.
2. Psychological and emotional childhood traumas are often times not addressed by the very adults that children are the closest to. It is selfishly assumed that the "kid" will get over it and assume life as usual. The loss of a parent, sibling, or best friend by any means shatters a child's world into millions of pieces. The level of trauma is possibly the same as unexplained rejection from [a] parent[s] or any other significant authoritative figure they once held very tight heart strings with.
3. Some deep wounds of unresolve don't have their roots stemming from childhood. Some, instead, had their start later in life. None-the-less, they are deep and need to be resolved before they start to literally wear on the body.
4. The psyche runs into survival mode wanting desperately to take control of their environment. Often times the chosen method of gaining control is to selfishly manipulate social situations. This is basically their cry for help. But because they don't fully understand and/or know how to get what they really long for, this is all they know to do. Unfortunately, the type of manipulation carried out desires the results that do not benefit. The desired attention is achieved but gets the hurting individual absolutely no where because the other parties that give the attention don't fully understand where it's really all coming from. Lack of understanding always equals to more lack of satisfaction. The vicious cycle continues as it creates more unresolve.
5. Every human being has within them some level of insecurity. It's part of who we all are as....well, fallible human beings. But for those that later make or break through depression, the level of insecurity is unusually high. Some [more than others] seek to satisfy their insecurities from others [friends and family members]. Without realizing it, they expect so much more and create a heavy burden on others to satisfy their insecurities. What they fail to realize is that this method of relying on fellow fallible friends and family members [for what's apparently void in their life] is destined to fail. No other human being has the [literally] perfect ability to meet all the needs of others, much less the [extra] needs developed by the higher level of insecurity. It just doesn't work that way. Never has and never will.
6. Hospital Psyche wards don't typically contribute to resolve. They serve as nothing more than a holding tank for the depression. Some of the broken are lucky and have the privilege of participating in some level of individual or group therapy. Unless these hurting individuals are mentored and taught how to literally let go and move on successfully, nothing is truly accomplished and they go back out eventually into the world still as hurt, frustrated, angry, bitter and insecure as before. Maybe more because what they thought would be helpful in their desperate time of need only turned out to be a disappointment.
7. Medications for depression serve as nothing more than a band aid on an open wound and just can't seem to help. Drugs have never been proven in History, in the present and [therefore most likely] not in the future that they actually help [the hurting, the angry, the bitter...etc] get to the heart of the matter....and over themselves so that they can truly move on and enjoy the good things God/life has to offer. Infact, prescribed "mental drugs" have proven to be a far greater risk than the proposed and marketed benefit[s].
8. So much concentration is put on still trying to understand the hurt, feeling insecure, relying on others to fill the void...etc. that the good [and great] things in life are often over looked and unappreciated. Memorable family moments and milestones can practically go unnoticed. Healthy family and social bonding doesn't happen as often as they should.....infact, they rarely do.
9. Unresolve into adulthood and into marriage produces offspring that are poisoned by bitterness and insecurities [unless no offspring is brought into the world]. Thus the ongoing and vicious cycle is not easily broken until one smart cookie sees it, catches it and breaks the family trend. This can prove to be incredibly challenging for some.

Deep cut unresolve that is not addressed and healed by hospitalization and meds [NEVER by meds] are nothing more than scabbed over wounds. The scabs never come off to reveal the healed psychological and emotional skin. Therefore it stays vulnerable to an ongoing onslaught of hurt, anger and bitterness and increasing insecurity until it finally breaks. There is but only one Healer and one Physician that can fix it all. All He needs is permission to reopen the wound[s] so that they can be properly healed. Only He can replenish what was depleted for so long and provide security, resolve and healing.

In a recent discussion I found myself in disagreement over an intriguing conclusion: The comment was made that quite possibly one can allow themselves to be driven so far into the [physical and mental] consequential effects of depression and insecurity that they lose [all] where-with-all to decide whether or not to allow themselves to go further down their depressive mode. I am in absolute disagreement....after having witnessed the triumphs of some.