baby services

[Sept 14 2010] 1pm

Janice just dropped off Ryan.  Fortunately, he was sleeping when he got here.  However, I strongly doubt that will alleviate his lonely anxiety for her once he wakes up .  Poor baby.  Here's to two weeks of a nearly one year old infant extra in our home.
Sweet baby

vitally woman-to-woman

Sarah Riddick made these cute little
"vital moms favors" for our lime
green table

So, after two years this woman has decided to re-enter the social realm for mothers.  Vital Moms [aka MOPS] started at the Heights church today with well over 115 moms registered and 175+ kids.  It was nice to see faces from years past when Calvary was hosting the mothers elite.  Check in was sedulously brutal with several moms not having been previously registered into the children's checkin system.  So, my checkin line was a bit constipated with [most likely] anxious mothers waiting to drop their kids off so they could enjoy their first of somewhat baby/kid free church hosted morning.  To make matters even more interesting the printer seemed to be mocknig me.  Although, after today's delightfully laborious experience, I'm sure I will be even more helpful, and thus, feel more successful at my "station".

There was a slight discomfort and apprehension working with unfamiliar faces, a completely changed leadership crew, different location from the Calvary Chapel days....etc.  Additional imaginary years were added to my already aging-ness as my boys' babysitter from our earlier Arizona years is now a mom of two ....and at my table.  Grant it yes, she is a very young early twenties mom. None-the-less, her childbearing graduation into motherhood makes my aging indigestibly official.  

Karen Bond is part of the leadership team....and has her ninth newborn.  And what a trophy he is.  She added to the baby fever propagating environment.  Then there's me...stuck at five kids...and Lord, when may I have more?  It was very nice to see Karen, new moms, pregnant [with more] moms, new mentoring moms....beautiful moms all the way around.  I'm beginning to feel a bit dispositioned in my "been there done that baby outputting" phase with this evolving crowd. I'd also be happy to step back into the Baby Outputters Elite.  But for now, that is apparently not to be.

Socially, I feel completely out of the circle in which I once joyously fluttered about like a butterfly needing to be muzzled [like a happy puppy] and chained to a stationary leaf.  Okay, maybe not quite in that psychotic extreme.  However, from within...the smile isn't warn on the sleeve or beam from one end of the room to the other anymore.  Apprehension is playing the more dominant role this year after having coiled through some personally turbulent what have you's.  Sometimes the heart and mind wonders if I'd be unnecessarily self inflicting Gehenna by forcing a social rebudding....or if I'm better off  humbly subsisting with this timorous shade I never knew to exist before.  Maybe because the heart already has one foot out and trying to land where we anxiously desire to be.....you know...the next geographic place in the next life chapter.....   

academic blunder

Sierra's Christmas school craft for mommy 2008

Over four weeks into the school year and my heart grows weary of hearing the girls tell discouraging tales of a teacher who sounds like she thinks the military method of elementary discipline will bring about any kind of success.  How does having the entire class punished teach the actual perpetrators anything?  There is no logic.  Certainly not for the juvenile age group.  Now, twenty years later in a boot camp setting this might bring about some results.  However, kids don't know how to manipulate or force any kind of behavioral change in the obnoxiously undisciplined classmate.

time to read

Sierra obtained her kinder education at home...back when all the kids were still homeschooling.  The following year it was time to put them back into the public school system for sujects I didn't feel the ability to give them the extra boost of help in.  All the kids did very well.  However, Sierra was slightly ahead of her first grade class in her reading.  I not only give credit to myself for having picked the best book, but to the book authors for having put together something stress free, pressure free and so easy for children and their parents. 

Now it's Mav's turn.

Mav's shiner

There's nothing like the alarming sound of  a body hitting concrete or cement floor.... 

The kitchen was buzzing with culinary fast work.  The hottest fiery sizzle was my first attempt at the Hong Kong style lechon.  Not quite the same or as good as the ultimate Filipino version.  However, I didn't have all the means to create the outdoor extravagance in it's originality.  Still tastey.

Suddenly there was that nerve wrecking thump.  I turned to see Mav sitting next to the couch, legs folded back, and on the floor.  As the sound of my every heartbeat increased in volume, and nerves rattling, I quickly made my way to him.  With the swift pick up of his soon-to-be four year old body I cradled him and asked him where it hurt.  The pain was too much for him to talk.  All he could do was cry  as his brain seemed to be clogged in sudden sensory over load....what a painful ordeal that must have been.  With a quick scan of his face and the rest of his body I concentrated my eyes on his forehead.  "Grab me a wet cloth!" I calmly demanded in desperation.  "Get me some ice....quick!  His forehead is 'rising'..."

Sitting on the edge of my bed, and cradling Mav, I layed an ice cube on the quickly rising shiner...taking it off every two seconds and back on another three seconds so as not to add brain freezing sensation to his head trauma.  God only knows how that must've felt for him from within his skull.  The kids, as worried as they were, really needed to get out of the room so he could have space to breath and regather his bearings.  he certainly didn't need Tyler's, "Oh my gosh....it's getting huge so fast".  So, out they went as I calmy/firmly instructed.

Mike handed me a small sandwich bag of two ice cubes and water (to help evenly disperse the shiner preventative cold on his forehead).  After 20 minutes of ice/water therapy, horizontal chillaxing and gentle strokes of love from this momentarily nerve frazzled mama, Mav fell asleep.  I let him sleep on my bed for several more hours.  No need to worry too much more as he had displayed all necessary signs of consciousness and promising recovery prior to falling asleep.  None-the-less, not an experience any parent delights in.

stuck on sentimental...

Pathetically sappy and stuck in the 80's (music) with the yummy-licious memories they are attached to. Especially where tropical memories of the Philippines stay deeply rooted. There's no escape and I don't mind. Infact, there is where I like to escape to on rainy days....especially on rainy days.

Faces take center stage. Lots of special faces. The photographic memories of specific places and events. Juvenile childhood crushes (even those). Magnolia ice cream. Just the thought makes me lick my lips. Faith Academy musicals. What was the name of the theatre we rented for those and graduations? SIL pool. That big Christian fish painted on the bottom always scared me for some odd reason. The meals in the guest house. There was a crush that lived up in one of the apartments. Used to play tag around that building at night. Aunt Sadie. Is that how her name was spelled? She was such a dear! Beverly Hills. Such a lush green hilly neighborhood. Antipolo bowling ally with the ice cream shop next door...and next door to that the Worleys and the Dewings in the very early years. For a while church was at Faith Academy with all the dorms/dorm kids. Steve was great at leading the worship. His curly frizzy hair couldn't be missed. Then there were those early morning Sunday drives to Union Church. Children's choir practice after church every Sunday. Coffee and cookies...and donuts in between services and sunday school. You knew when the Boesels had arrived. Nan's jolly laughter could be heard through the halls and walls. Lunch out at McDonald's (big mac and fries were my usual), wendy's taco bell...etc after church. Capture the flag was a favorite game on FA campus. Can't seem to get rid of the memorable sting of fire ants off a tree I hugged in the dark of the night during a staff meeting. Fortunately, none found their way under my knee bandage that was covering my stiched up knee from weeks before....

Hot coffee, hot cocoa, margarita....none of these things can satisfy this sappy heart as I look back on those years in tearful sentiment knowing full well they are gone forever. But only gone in time. Fortunately, not in memory. I suppose the regret of not having been able to finish out my childhood in the Pacific, on my favorite islands, and the souls behind the faces is even more painful. The relationships that should've been allowed to grow together....oh, the painful reget.

Turbo Mobile

Before Computers were invented life was incredibly simple for the average home. On the other hand, their invention allowed businesses to start happily conducting with greater ease. Soon, mobile technology started to take off. It's turned from modern luxury to a mass modern convenience. Beautiful, easy, worth the money and we now have turbo mobile communication. Not exactly a necessity...but a definite nicety. Perfect for not only businesses, but also for the communication hungry global population. One can still live the simpler life with just the home phone. But the downside is the inconvenience of telemarketing calls of obnoxious sorts.

Several days ago my phone charger wiggled out of essential wiring connection rendering it worthless. So, I was out of mobile commission and completely unable to receive all facebook status texts (which provided the freedom of keeping up with status posts from only those I subscribe to without wasting a vast amount of precious quick moving time perusing the addictive facebook site), all other texts and voice communication. Another check was deposited today so hubby's on a charger errand. What was once just a luxury had proven to become an essential must. There is no "home phone". Thus, more privacy away from public phone listings, prank calls, and telemarketing calls.

Speaking of phones, I was looking at the Qwest stocks. The downtrend in Qwest stocks started nearly ten years ago. This appears to parallel with the uptrend of cell phones with family plans proving more convenient than keeping a phone home/land line. Thus, cell phone companies are experiencing uptrends in their stock while land line companies seem to be doing the opposite. (i.e. verizon).

However, it's unfortunate that AT&T and verizon are no longer providing unlimited monthly internet access. If Sprint keeps their unlimited internet plan, they may end up taking a lot of AT&T's and Verizon's customers. At the same time, Apple needs to be making note of this as AT&T is the only cellular company providing phone and internt service for their product (iPhone). AT&T's move to stick it to their customer's could cost Apple.

Life is short....life is fragile.....

Dom Duarte died yesterday. He shared very little on facebook any medical issues he had....but from that very little, I believe it was due to medical complications. He will be sorely missed by so many he served with. He ran the race well feeding, sheltering and sharing Christ's love with the homeless of Union County, NC. Danielle was Daddy's girl. I remember that very well. Poor gal. I'm sure she will be crying a lot for days and weeks...and months to come.

So, my last memory with him.....
Over thirteen years ago Mike and I ran into him in the elevator of the Monroe Hospital on our way up to the second floor to bring our first born into the world. He took our hands and prayed with us.

if you only knew

....the millions of things I'd love to just say....but don't.

In the Moment of Pain

Where do broken hearts go? Do they really have a home? And if they do , they still go in search for the one place they can't be found. Some place dark, but warm. Dark enough to hide the scattered pieces as they helplessly beat in search for rhythmic harmony once again.

Every beat throbs in pain longing for Understanding and Hope that seem millions of miles away beyond the reaches of her pulsating pain that grows by every agonizing second.

For where there was once a blissful existence between Love, Passion, Dreams and Wisdom
these off balanced chambers heavily pulse in search for meaning that now seam lost.

Yet in these throbbing painful times, a broken heart can not stay hidden in the darkness for too long lest any more hurt should find her and she be further crushed. The longer she stays the closer the danger.

If she's not strong enough to pull all her pieces back together and crawl out of hiding it could be the end of "life" as she once knew it. Love, Passion, Dreams and Wisdom will elude her until a compassionate other finds her curled up and imprisoned in her web of sorrows.

If his chambers can pull her pieces back together and out from the dark shadows she can live once again. But until then her cries will remain faint and hidden in the dark shadows of brokenness.

©MyAsia1972

change your mind, change your world

When your thoughts and your feelings support and encourage and amplify each other, truly great things happen. When your creativity is enabled by discipline, and when your thoughts are energized by passion, nothing is out of reach. - RalphMarston

People don't realize the positive impact they make with one compliment or uplifting statement to each other until it becomes a habit. Rather, they don't realize the magnitude. One's general belief in themselves for accomplishing great things is fed. Life dreams are revisited and evaluated. Efforts into making them happen are made. Discipline, including self discipline, is welcomed and applied. Dreams and life goals become the passion and ambition that drives one to excellence. Failures don't even exist. Only challenges exist. Obstacles are not impossible to overcome. The sky is not even the limit.

I've Seen.......

• the sunset paint the sky
• my husband run into a flock of birds on the beach [California]
• my child breath their first breath
• clouds fall into the valley below us
• baby turtles emerge from the sand on the beach [with Beth Langford at 3am at Myrtle Beach the weekend of her brother's wedding]
• my friends swim above stingrays on the Jamaican beach [Mobay-Jackson Fong]
• my kids sa-wish their first BB basket in game
• my perfectly formed son weeks after he died in my womb
• all azure shades hugging stunning shorelines
• lush green tropical plants decorate a backyard to envy [San Fransisco]
• God paint Alaska winter sky
• moose under my living room window [Alaska]
• a gorilla beat his breast in frustration of too many human spectators [Chicago Zoo]
• the Andes mountains heavily laced with snow from the sky
• winding jungle rivers in the rain forest from the sky [Ecuador]
• the river beach where five missionaries were killed by fearful jungle warriors [Ecuador]
• scattered rain clouds shower the desert [Arizona]
• the sunset dress the mountain in pink hue
• city lights decorate the skyline
• the face of my birth father that reluctantly gave me up at God's mercy
• yellow desert flowers decorate the top of cactus
• humming birds fly "still" in mid air
• the white snowy skies melt into white mountains making it impossible to distinguish between the two [Alaska]
• turquoise water peacefully flow under 6 feet of snow and ice [Alaska]
• a city loudly light up the sky with beautiful colors into the new year [Philippines]
• a worldwide lighting celebration with millions of fireworks into the mellinium
• aerodynamic shapes break through the sky at soaring speeds

Writer's Cramp

Been doing a lot of writing that's going to be eventually be put into music. But I think I'm going to buy copyright before sharing on my blog.

Love how the mind explodes and ralphs harmoniously with my my tapping fingers. There is a novel in progress at the mean time. But for the same reasons as described in the first paragraph, will hold off sharing. Naturally, my own requisite for putting one together was that it has to have an island setting.

Tomorrow I'm spending the day in Payson with a close friend. It's a two hour drive that needs to happen since it seems like a century ago that we last laughed and shared our beautiful and ugly human sentiments of life. Trying to get Felicia to go with me. I s'pose I should give her a buzz to find out for sure ASAP because tomorrow will come with just a blink of an eye.

I grow with positively anxious anticipation as the waiting game has begun. Michael started submitting his resume. I have my druthers for the ideal-y next move. But all the required pieces have yet to fall in their perfect place of ingredient. Mum's the word. However, a handful of locally treasured friends have been informed.

I've grown tired and weary of this place. But that's developed over time. Hubster's talents should be suppressed no longer and neither should my overflowing need for getting out of this dry air and back into humidity. My skin and lungs grow weary of the desert. Now that I've learned/experienced a few more painful things about humanity and it's effect on so called friendships, the time for new ones in a new geographic region is long overdue. Mike's talents need to be stretched. I need and anxiously pine for....not this place. A new place to re-strategize the development of new social and circles.

God Inspired

Seen the movie? Saw it with Sue last night. Not exactly what I was expecting. It's a movie for every Christian. Put's a new perspective on.....not going to ruin it for you. I'm perplexed, surprised, impressed and wowed that Hollywood took on the story/concept. It's a keeper, it's a buy, it's actually God inspired......

writer's inspiration

If there's anyone to thank for helping me expand my vocabulary and the colorful use[s] thereof....it would most definitely be Tony Bourdain. I love a good read from his deliciously out-of bounds and travel inspired journaling.

southern scheming

Tomorrow is a celebratory day for my hubster. I'm pondering and deliciously scheming as to what exactly this pinay wife should do about it. The idea of putting together a booty expanding southern cuisine of country fried chicken over biscuits, smothered with sausage/bacon gravy is a perfect image for my mind's eye to salivate over. Oh, how I would love to be able to top that off with some blood sugar raising peach cobbler. Only, his southern bell mother would probably do much better than I could with a peach cobbler. I have yet to master one I, myself, find pleasing.

Lunch is already spoken for at Aliva's. They seem to have the tastiest Mexican cuisine in the area. He'd like to top that off with a movie. Wonder what's showing in town. So, that's probably what we'll do. Let all that gluttening indulgence sit and settle on our hips and thighs.

Mom called this afternoon. So, we jibber jabbered, we two. We jibber jabbered until we were through. I shared of our tire with this place and why I personally believe it's time to move on and find something new. Mum's the word....yup, mum's the word......

MUSE

You are....
My muse,
The fire burning this heart of mine,
The one I think of when I wake up to a fire warming, grey and cloudy day.

Thoughts of you flood my sentimentally sappy heart with every cozy sip of mocha latte
Mentally racing through the memory files, a few chuckles escape the momentous silence
While biting into a slightly sweetened morsel, sweet sentiments of your childlike laughter ring harmoniously through memory's halls.

The shimmering glaze atop the petite sugary delight reminds me of, but still doesn't come close to, the sparkle in your eyes everytime you laugh.
The laugh which melts away nearly all insecurities and reminds me there's nothing conditional between us.

Because of you, every rainy day, every cloudy day, and every fiercly stormy day can be enjoyed with a few cozy comforts.

Tender Toddler Bones.

Poor Mav's wrist hurts like the dickens. In play, Dylan was sitting on it. Mav laughed until it finally hurt [they were in the office] so now it hurts just to move it. How pathetic to hear his little toddler cry, "ow, ow, ow..." To Dylan I gave a little education on the difference between the strength and density of his developed bones and that of Maverick's still tender under developed, not so dense and developed, bones. Was going to have him sleep in our bed with me last night but he wanted to be with "Sissy" [Tori]. He did well the entire night until they shifted and got up to get ready for school this morning. I overheard Dylan, this morning, passing on the scientific bone information to Tyler after Mavrick loudly wince by his touch on the couch. At this tender morning moment, he's relaxed on the couch watching one of the little dinosaur animated movies. Now that I have the kitchen picked up and cleaned today's one cooked meal menu I must come up with and put together before the afternoon arrives and gets divided by all the school pick up...which is ended with the shuttling of my husband home from work.

I LOVE YOU

The night before was a rather late one for the little Maverick. It was Lola's last night in our home and his two mothering older sisters would be spending that night on the bedroom floor with her [and him]. Emotional anxiety kept the girls squirming, wiggling, chitty chatty and giddy. Maverick paid the price by having to endure their commotion until the middle of the night. So, the following day his toddler body tried to make up for it with kitty naps here and there. The couch, the car seat, the floor...etc.

Dinner was late but Maverick had no interest in taco munching. Instead he settled for a few quiet moments on the leather couch with Daddy's ipod in hand. After my taco munching, my own night surrendering body was in the mood for cuddling. So, I cuddled with him for a little bit. He'd mastered the animal matching game. Such fascination to watch his little God-created brain harmoniously work with his little fingers at such an impressive speed. It wasn't long and my eyelids felt like led. So, after washing up I crawled into my comfy cozy bed and called Maverick. "What mom?"

"Come see mommy."

"Ok." onto the bed he climbed and under the covers. We cuddled we three [me, Maverick and the ipod]. The smell of his toddler cheeks were a cozy comfort. If I was to die in my sleep at that moment, I certainly would've died happy. He leaned over and puckered up his lips waiting for me to meet his affections half way. Just when I thought that delightful moment had been sealed with his tender toddler kiss I hear, "I wuv you mommy."

Fourteen Years

After 14 years of marriage I find myself looking back at those fourteen years and asking myself what of it should be changed, how...and exactly in what time period.

At the forefront is the biggest regret of not fulfilling the dreams [I believe] God planted in me long before I made the decision to utter those words of "I do". Grant it, not all participating ingredients necessary for that to happen were in the pot for 13 years. However, that doesn't remove the regret. Now that all participating ingredients are in the mix, there are 13 years of built up obstacles. The idea of "starting fresh" seems unrealistic.

What was not anticipated was the surfacing of significant issues that footsy-toed with avoidance for far too long. No human being is devoid of issues. However, all have the choice to make the wrong and/or right decisions/moves in dealing with them...depending on the issue[s].

Unfortunately, the happy ending will take a significant time coming. There's much human trash and garbage to dig, shuffle through and get the friggin' heck rid of. Slightly akin to what Adam and Eve must've psychologically and emotionally had to work through after being thrown out of the Garden. I wasn't there, but still humanly judging...close.

On the forgiving upside, I have a man that's unbelievably passionate about us and our future. Should I be asking for more? I'd rather not take that risk. Even better I have a relationship with the God much bigger than any human inflicted issues and/or obstacles.....or sin.

May the God of mercy, grace and compassion be seen in me.........