vitally woman-to-woman

Sarah Riddick made these cute little
"vital moms favors" for our lime
green table

So, after two years this woman has decided to re-enter the social realm for mothers.  Vital Moms [aka MOPS] started at the Heights church today with well over 115 moms registered and 175+ kids.  It was nice to see faces from years past when Calvary was hosting the mothers elite.  Check in was sedulously brutal with several moms not having been previously registered into the children's checkin system.  So, my checkin line was a bit constipated with [most likely] anxious mothers waiting to drop their kids off so they could enjoy their first of somewhat baby/kid free church hosted morning.  To make matters even more interesting the printer seemed to be mocknig me.  Although, after today's delightfully laborious experience, I'm sure I will be even more helpful, and thus, feel more successful at my "station".

There was a slight discomfort and apprehension working with unfamiliar faces, a completely changed leadership crew, different location from the Calvary Chapel days....etc.  Additional imaginary years were added to my already aging-ness as my boys' babysitter from our earlier Arizona years is now a mom of two ....and at my table.  Grant it yes, she is a very young early twenties mom. None-the-less, her childbearing graduation into motherhood makes my aging indigestibly official.  

Karen Bond is part of the leadership team....and has her ninth newborn.  And what a trophy he is.  She added to the baby fever propagating environment.  Then there's me...stuck at five kids...and Lord, when may I have more?  It was very nice to see Karen, new moms, pregnant [with more] moms, new mentoring moms....beautiful moms all the way around.  I'm beginning to feel a bit dispositioned in my "been there done that baby outputting" phase with this evolving crowd. I'd also be happy to step back into the Baby Outputters Elite.  But for now, that is apparently not to be.

Socially, I feel completely out of the circle in which I once joyously fluttered about like a butterfly needing to be muzzled [like a happy puppy] and chained to a stationary leaf.  Okay, maybe not quite in that psychotic extreme.  However, from within...the smile isn't warn on the sleeve or beam from one end of the room to the other anymore.  Apprehension is playing the more dominant role this year after having coiled through some personally turbulent what have you's.  Sometimes the heart and mind wonders if I'd be unnecessarily self inflicting Gehenna by forcing a social rebudding....or if I'm better off  humbly subsisting with this timorous shade I never knew to exist before.  Maybe because the heart already has one foot out and trying to land where we anxiously desire to be.....you know...the next geographic place in the next life chapter.....