social etiquette

Filipinos are genuinely hospitable, warm, sensitive ...but also crack under the very idea of confrontation.  They are resilient under mother nature's wrath taking it all in stride and  in great gratitude to still be alive and be able to reestablish a stable life style and routine. There are incredible traits and there are puzzling practices.

But one thing that still puzzles me is likely only puzzling because I'm so American amongst my own people.  While I'm not the only one that has succumbed to that heavy wheat ladened lifestyle and blossomed as a result, it comes with the constant verbal reminder.  There's a part that rebels and says, "so what?!  I'm not here to impress you."  Statements like, "you're American size" and "Ate Kim, you're still fat" are easy to shake off and blame on pure lack of social etiquette on the part of the offender.  It's puzzling because Filipinos are not known for negative speech towards each other, complaining or confrontation.  To constructively criticize or confront one is offensive and can end a relationship.

The other day, my 14 year old daughter and her sister came home from a walk.  They had run into an older friend they hadn't seen in months.  My daughter who I wouldn't exactly call fat....the one who still struggles, none the less, due to the fact that her bum knee prevents her from the slightest amount of exercise. (We're still praying for the right way to address it.  Surgery or no surgery?)  But, anyway, she came home bewildered at what appeared to be pure audacity of this friend to approach her with the, "Tori, you have gotten fat.  You're not sexy anymore" greeting.    Both the girls came home shocked and hurt.  I assured them the person had no idea at how their words were received....and that she has no idea that in America (and for us Americans) her words are considerate profoundly untactful, offensive and way out of line.

I hurt for my daughter.  But what to do?  Do we now respond to people with FYI that such statements are offensive to us Americans and considered very rude and insensitive?  Do we do that with people in a culture that doesn't do confrontation?  She was greeted with the FYI that her worth as a person is judged by her appearance and whether or not she looks sexy.... as if at her age she should even care if she looks "sexy."  Her character, doesn't care about looking sexy either.  She's always been about modesty and risking the approval of the masses to look after the least liked.  Always looking out for the social underdog that all her peers look down on.  She takes care of everyone's hearts.

It's definitely another one of those culture experiences where you have to decide whether or not to let God's sovereign love and grace supersede the typical learned human/American reaction.

getting over my Christian self

So, reading through James and Peter [last week] I was profoundly impressed by the encouragement not to be vexed over the slightest to biggest wrong doing from anybody.  No matter what it is, we should be willing to suffer at the hands of others because of the magnitude of what Christ did for us.  I'm starting to get a better picture of what getting slapped on one cheek and giving the other actually means. For by surrendering the need to be right, the world sees Jesus as they should by his grace and mercy displayed in our behavior.   Most likely I've already heard this so many times in church.  But at age 41 it finally resounds...especially after all the issues we Christians have been willing to battle over lately for the sake of our own religious and personal rights.  That has really struck a chord with me.

Then over the weekend, the Lord literally put me through the first test I will forever remember after reading those passages.  Two collisions with careless motor bikers in two days. Friday and Saturday.  Everything in me wanted to make sure I wouldn't get taken advantage of and the financial responsibilities of the other guy wouldn't get unjustly forced on me. After all, I wasn't the careless driver.  Why should I pay for something that's not my fault just  because the other guy and the cop says it's the human thing to do (??)....which doesn't necessarily always mean the right thing either.  I made myself clear in both incidents that I had no intention of paying for unrelated medical bills either.  As my son, who was watching me from afar, described my behavior after the second hit, "mama,  you took control.  you looked hot out there."  Whatever that means.  No, nothing to be proud of.  And then....well, then God Almighty gently took me through the steps of mercy living.  He told me to shut off my need to be right, my need to protect my donated missionary resources and my need protect my family.  He told me that only He is truly right and that I'm jaded in my definition of right by my own sin.  He controls our resources and protects this family.  He does all that. Then he really honed in on it by Sunday's teaching of Genesis 1.  We are but a speck on this earth, which is a speck in the milky way, which is a speck in the universe filled with millions of other galaxies.  If all He created is so magnificent, then how much more is He?  What in the world was I getting my panties in a knot for? Standing in awe....standing in awe here.   Then....then he told me to go above and beyond for the other guy and trust him to provide the following day [Monday].  I chose to trust him and he definitely provided for it.....and then some.   

Blood within these veins has been gradually rising to a boil.  I've learned that if you look Filipino and yet refuse to speak in Tagalog but in English only (which I do in many situations because I'm just not there with the language yet), your fellow kabayans will look at you with disgust as if to say, "You think you're better than me because your English is so smooth yet you can't speak our mother tongue??"  I've been laughed at as they walk away and loudly tell each other that I'm Filipino but too stupid to talk like one.   I've been scowled at. I've been glared at.  It's been brutal.  I've spewed my frustrations onto my husband and I have cried.  I've entertained the idea of just giving up on trying to learn something that's not even my mother tongue.  Binukid is my mother tongue from the province of Bukidnon.  One late night, I found one of my Filipino friends online.  He is FilAm like me.  His family moved to California when he was young so his English is perfect. But that's practically all that was spoken in the home. As I was briefly explaining my dilemma to him he revealed to me that he's not exactly fluent in Tagalog either.  So, what he does before reverting back to English, because he doesn't understand what was said or know how to reply in Tagalog, is he simply apologizes and says he should not only already know but is working on learning the language better now that he's moved back to Manila.  Because Filipinos are quick to judge in that kind of situation,   by simply apologizing he diffuses all potentially awkward tension filled moments in public.  So, as Mike and I ventured out to various government service offices this week, to tie up some loose ends, I timidly tried that approach.  I let the guards and the employee behind the glass window know that I don't speak Tagalog by simply first apologizing and then we continued with our English dialogue.  What a humbling experience.  But no ugly looks.  None.  

Having truly experienced the refresher to the psyche, by removing myself and my ego from the somewhat superior position I'd much rather see myself in, I'm beginning to understand the benefits of humility and mercy living.  Why didn't I get it before?  Oh, that's right.... I wasn't ready for it before.

genuine love

Joyce Titular volunteered to be the fotobomber.
What a jokester....hehehehe...

I knew before moving here that there would be so much to learn of the Filipino culture .....once we got here. Learn we must in order to understand [and better serve] the culture we have been called to serve for His name sake.  After all we didn't come to create an extension of our America.  Sadly, there are missionaries that make their over seas move with exactly that in mind in order to serve comfortably.  Not in material availability of sort [then again maybe], but in mindset, expectations and culture.  Not only is it purely unrealistic but it defeats the purpose of what the heart of overseas missions is all about.  Then again, plenty of other missionaries have their own ideals of what overseas missions should entail in it's entirety.  

Lyn plays a vital role in making connections for Mike and coordinating all the volunteers.  She was at the office months before our arrival.  She was part of the small crew that had stayed and was keeping the office afloat.  She has graciously stayed and continues to be an amazing key player as we continue in our efforts to be the supportive office for all current seven frequencies, around the country and different islands, and as the head office...the backbone of this ministry geared towards the 50 million plus young people of the Philippines.

Through Lyn the volunteers continue to be motivated to spend the time that they spend.  She coordinates  their time at the office and time they spend outside of they office to work on ministry related projects. She  facilitates their meetings with Mike as well. The volunteers have committed to keeping us on the side of whatever higher priority life goals they are pursuing.  Some in good jobs.  Some still in school.  One of those volunteers is Krissy.  She's half Italian (half Filipina) and is working on her second degree: journalism.  She hopes to move to Italy to be by both her separated parents and live the good life.  I expect she will go far.  Krissy represents the genuine affectionate side of Filipinos.  As I am "Sir Mike"s wife she calls me mama.  She's not the first or last to fancy me with affection.  But because she's one of several that has, it's just been beautiful to experience this sweet side of Filipino culture laced with a level of innocence in the way it's lavished out. Honestly, as cheesy as that line may read I don't know of a better way to describe it.

taupo

It was another one of those "Taupo" chimes at the gate. On a typical day there is no less than one and no more than three. ["Taupo" is the greeting by someone coming to the gate and/or door]. 

This time it was a man and son. They interacted as if they were related at least. From their tagalog I understood "Carton". They were pointing at the boxes. I pick one up and ask, "ito?" and he gleefully replies, "all obe dem!". One was the box used to package and wrap the clothes drying rack we had purchased at Greenhills, several other small ones ...and it was all in the large balikbayan box that had tons of onion powder spilled all over inside. So I showed him and told him "onion powder" and he replies, "it's ok!" with smiling enthusiasm. 

Back in the house I went feeling so satisfied someone was so willing to take it off my hands. For the next five to ten minutes I could hear them jibber jabber about the onion powder and what sounded like, in their poverty limited mindset, big plans and ideas of what they were going to do with these boxes. All that while neatly folding down the boxes and then using the leftover plastic twine to tightly package it for foot transport.

Then they started off yelling back at the house "Thank-you Po!". They walked away with a skip in every step and jovial jibber jabber as if they'd hit the jackpot. For them, it was the jackpot. Since that day, we've had other visitors happy to relieve us of empty boxes on our front porch. Our trash ....their treasure.

Like ·  ·  · Share · Edit · Promote · 16 August

• Christy Hayes, Dorreen Perez, Amy Lafleur and 24 others like this.
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  Barbara Cummings Kim, you have a gift of writing. I enjoy your " blogs". :)

  16 August at 19:35 · Like · 1
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  Lei De Jesus i agree :) thanks for sharing!

  16 August at 19:39 · Like
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  Ana B Canuel I miss philippines so much.. specially yhe street food the taho in the morning, mais ( corn on the cob) in the afternoon and balut at night...

  16 August at 21:55 · Like
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  Sue Rurka Ferguson 1 Sam. 2:8 "He/She lifts the poor from the dust-- Yes, from a pile of ashes-- And treats them as princes sitting in the seats of honor. For all the earth is the Lord's And he has set the world in order." ♥

  17 August at 09:02 · Like · 1
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  KimberLee Voss Medlin Ana, we like the puto vendor a lot...but some of the other vendors are too fast on their bikes. I don't know what they are selling. So, I take a bike up to our village shopping area to get my suman and biko......etc

  18 August at 18:14 · Like
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  Ana B Canuel Lol they're also selling puto at night. I remember the vendor also yelling 'puuttttoooo' hahaha! I dk if they have one there. They're riding a bike also.. hehe!

  18 August at 23:20 · Like

dirty ice cream

We like the neighborhood vendors.  However, we haven't stopped all of them...yet.  Most definitely not the balut guy yet.  He has the P20 size and the P10 size.  These pics are of the first time we stopped him.  Since then, the kids stop him at least once a week....some times more.  A lot of Filipinos like this inside tinapay [bread].  I'm guessing that costs more but we've never asked for it because I don't buy bread to begin with.  [We don't consume anything wheat].  So, like an ice cream sandwich..the Filipino way.  It's called "dirty ice cream" just from the fact that it's sold on the street outside hygiene rules.  He rings his bell and often lingers around our house a minute or so longer waiting for the kids.  Some times he's several meters away by the time they run outside and call him.

so YES!

it seems as though life has been put on high speed since we got here. one [VERY] constant, typical of a big move, is the errands. house needs. school needs. learning how and where to grocery shop [i.e. who has the best deals on what is not quite as simple as in the west]. nearly everywhere we go for such, in this particular city, is a constant buzz. seemingly chaotic but organized BUZZ. people E V E R Y W H E R E [makes malls and wal-marts in America look E M P T Y] . high volume. 

but to get there means first getting through the "berry much tropic" gauntlet that runs with and without order. where painted lanes are only suggestive, not a restrictive rule of direction. where bicycles, motor bikers, buses, jeepneys and pedestrians challenge the nerves you didn't even know you had. people [men, women, children, toddlers and infants], squatter homes, sari sari stores and so much life intensely hug the roadsides. all senses are fiercely managed from point A to point B and back to point A....especially with five younger walkers and one wrapped/carried infant. 

So, on this very night, where the night life never seems to rest...as zonked as we were and in need of our beds, a refresher was in order. Not sugar loaded, but just sweet enough to tantalize the taste buds. Something cold. The usual dessert but with different ingredients. something SO YES! — at Razon's, Greenhills.

good to the last drop

Like ·  ·  · Share · Edit · Promote · 11 August at 21:00 · 

• Keyna Tillman Hoyte, Barbara Williams Kling, Angela Siaki Winter and 27 others like this.
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  David Llarena nice! :)

  23 August at 19:14 · Like
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  Reneé Hubbard Looks good...what is it?

  23 August at 19:41 · Like
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  KimberLee Voss Medlin Halo halo pampanga style

  23 August at 20:23 · Like
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  Reneé Hubbard Yum..I googled it and now I want one :0)

  23 August at 20:30 · Like
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  Debra Young Im learning it takes about 3 months just to catch your breath after a big move, then another 3 to start to feel normal.... You may need to double that for international moves!

  23 August at 20:33 · Like
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  KimberLee Voss Medlin Wish I could teleport (?) one to you

  23 August at 20:33 · Like · 1
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  KimberLee Voss Medlin You're right....still doesn't feel like I've caught my breath yet. Mike is in South Africa so he may take even longer with all the time zone changing he's [been] doing.

  23 August at 20:35 · Like
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  Peggy Karkau Pangburn We have a friend from your jeepney world and when she visited we asked how she liked driving in the US, she said it is so boring...she wants to fall asleep. There's no activity near and on the road to keep you alert!

  23 August at 20:50 · Unlike · 2
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  KimberLee Voss Medlin I think one could be sleep deprived and incapable of falling asleep behind the wheel here ^_^

  23 August at 23:08 · Edited · Like · 1
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  Angela Siaki Winter You are a great writer that brings words into clear pictures! Please write more :)

  24 August at 07:09 · Like
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  KimberLee Voss Medlin Thanks, Angela. Do you remember a housegirl named Laida? She worked for the Kellers for a long time. Anyway, she remembers your name along with the Keller kids...etc. She goes to the market for me once a week.

  24 August at 08:30 · Like · 1
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  Michele Zehr Powers Sounds like you deserved this treat!

  24 August at 12:49 · Like
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  Angela Siaki Winter I'll have to ask my parents about Laida :) Have you considered a blogging with photos?

  24 August at 14:30 · Like
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  Luz Murillo De Jesus hi Kim, how's my fav Orlado, such a cutie and sweet boy. Have you tried writing articles or creating a blog? you're such a good material. i enjoy reading your comments. you have a knack on describing things / events colorfully. wish ihave such talent! Kiss Orlando for me.

  24 August at 16:20 · Like
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  Leah Llarena Welcome back to the chaos that is Manila! ;) If you ever need tips let me know. I've learned a lot thru the years of living hear. I see 1 thing you discovered already...the best kind of halo halo. :) Razon's is my fave coz it has only the essential yummies in it. We should meet up for some. :)

  24 August at 17:34 · Like
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  KimberLee Voss Medlin you all are very generous. Thank-you. I enjoy keeping up with everyone in their corner of the world just as much as I enjoy sharing mine

  24 August at 21:23 · Like