she came looking for hope

out of the city and through the provincial hills we drove to the humble place of ministry in a community that pillages through a dump site

Daisy is her name. She was the last one waiting to be checked.  Timidly she walked into the little office where a candle was lit to add a touch of warm and inviting ambience. Her demeanor laced in shame and embarrassment as if she didn't feel she had any business being here.  Her more social bubbly sister followed with a slightly authoritative edge.  Friendly but clearly one that pulled the ropes.... or however the saying goes.

The foreigner smiled as warmly as she always does asking the basic questions and then calculating the due date. The baby was around 19 weeks with the due date November 2.  The sister says, "All Saints Day" solemnly as if misfortune was now solidified for this very young mom .  After all, this child was conceived out of wedlock. November 2 only seemed to seal the fate of shame this 18 year old mom appeared burdened with.  When making eye contact with the foreigner or myself, she seemed to force a smile as if that's all she could do.  A measure of indescribable desperation.... for exactly what maybe she herself didn't even know.  Clearly there were more than enough family members who have a gift of shaming her.  What possible superstition could come with having the baby's due date be on the day the country celebrates the dead...particularly dead relatives? Strangely enough, this is the day nationals hold celebratory gatherings, involving feasts of sorts, at grave sites. But the foreigner warmly said it was the perfect due date. And she did so with enthusiastic authority.  What hold should any superstition be allowed to have on this baby anyway?

Then we motioned and welcomed her to the beautifully welcoming soft bed to be measured. He body displayed the true essence of petite.  It was extremely hard to believe she was already that far along.  As the foreigner continued in her natural warm friendly procedures making sure everything with this young mom and new baby were perfectly healthy I couldn't help but gleefully clasp my hands and smile in approval after feeling baby's head position, the perfectly placed baby bottom and pure excitement for this life within her.

Then she heard the heartbeat.  So strong and healthy.  This baby's life suddenly seemed more real.   She continued, or so it seemed, to fight the temptation to show any emotion.  But then she couldn't any longer.  She turned her head, looking out the window, and seemed to want to cry.  But then she also seemed to be trying to hide a smile....what looked like should have been a big one.  Then we simply couldn't quite make out what it was going to be.  If it was tears of joy she did a pretty darn good job putting on the breaks.    In that case that has to hurt like the joy damn was lodged in her chest and ready to bust at the seams.  Then again, if it was a damn of tears some of us probably know how physically painful that can be as well.  Maybe....just maybe she found herself in a juxtaposition between shame and joy, wanting so bad to leap towards joy.  "Are you happy?" the foreigner asked.  "Oh, are you going to cry?"  No reply.  Daisy just couldn't find the words to say anything.  Oh, how I ached for her with even more intensity at that moment.

I pray she left with hope. Hope and anticipation for a good and safe experience with the rest of her pregnancy.  In a country where abortion is illegal but not discouraged there is no doubt she has contemplated it.  There are over 500,000 annually and a large percent conducted on teens.  Ironically, these are done by the same midwives' hands that also bring life into the world.  For the price of a value meal, one can choose the fate of their unborn.  Maybe after hearing her little one's heartbeat she has been encouraged to let this new life grow and be born into the world... and into her arms.  Oh, gracious most merciful Jesus.  Bring her and her baby back to your place of hope and love.  A place you provided with her (and many others) in mind.