For decades throughout my childhood and first half of adulthood it's been heard from the pulpit over and over that what you do should be to glorify God. Homework, athletics, career, morals, Biblical principals lived out, home making, relationships, suffering, trials and tribulations. Everything. So, this teaching and proclamation has been repeated over and over....and over for a couple decades.
For years my walk with God was stagnant. I grew weary and miserable because the comfortable life full of material provisions was just not satisfying. Having grown up crossing geographical boarders throughout childhood, geographical stability which was approaching 10 years in Arizona was looking more and more lifeless, unappealing and needing some serious rearrangement and shifting. Sometimes it seemed to even need some rocking. Having already experienced life and God all over the globe, the smaller domesticated life/world seemed to be caving in. It was too predictable. Like a bird caught and caged after a life of free flying, this chic was ready to peck and pelt the heck through the bars even if it meant risking the loss of many feathers or spilling a little blood with a little tear of the wings. The soul seemed scream through the thirst for freedom. That's how boring this solitary first world culture living seemed to be. No surprises, no suspense and no anticipation. That was obviously the myopic outlook.
As God "finally" started to move us towards the overseas mission field he had introduced me to a radical Bible teacher via a book and then continued to fuel my hunger with teaching that was accessible online. At last, the labrynthian age of mass media had been pierced through and the best channel was finally revealed to me. For once the cycle of bird sized meager spiritual soul food on Sundays may finally be seeing it's end. The spirit could be challenged and encouraged to take fat juicy Texas steak size bites in real God centered Bible studying. Studying what the Bible actually says instead of studying what others think it says.
But once on the mission "field" the challenges that remind one they had taken a big leap of faith out of their comfort zones started to come one by one. Not all issues were fixed before another approached. Often times it seemed five or more issues would surface all at once causing a desperate need for some R&R at the water's edge which couldn't be satisfied but only on rare occasions. The chaotic circus of the metropolitan fast paced Manila living seemed to keep us trapped in it's dizzying sensory over stretching of sorts. From the broken government office obligations to the out of control, yet strangely organized, traffic/driving zoo. From the cultural mishaps and misunderstandings to the head numbing work related meetings that were drowning in the surrounding high volume of Starbucks or any other place because it was that hard to hear each other. From the over crowded sweat producing public transit systems to the head turning turbo speed of the kids' school year full of events and obligations. On and on the list goes.
The first year is always the hardest for anyone and everyone. And as a family of eight completely new to overseas missions, we seemed to feel at times like Peter who forgot to meet the day's challenges with full confidence because we let fear get in between us and the Father who is already [and always] right next to us. Yet, there were plenty of times that fear was slapped back in the devil's face and Jesus' greatness was proven and glorified over and over. From the flash flooded car to the six weeks Mike lived away from us to help Davao get up on it's own feet; from the two stolen wallets and lost phones to the toddler-floor-slammed laptop that had all of Mike's work on it; from the several computer crashes to the flooding rains out of which we swam praying that our house wouldn't get flooded either; from the persistent prayers that God Almighty would bless our first born with Far East team travel, to the near last minute provision of such privileges; from the multiple head lice infestations to the boy short hair cuts for the girls; from desperately praying and pining for summer camp to finally getting to go and making brand new friends, from praying all year to the girls to join the boys at Faith Academy, to the seemingly last minute whole year provision; from the multiple chickenpox infections to the ER visits for stitches and pneumonia....etc. This list goes on and on as well.
The last four years of our lives and our first four years on the field have had their share of bereaving and breath taking moments that included exhilaration, speechless humbling and emotional moments of praise and gratitude that the Sovereign God who calls all the starry hosts by name would be so gracious as to live in and through our finite sinful nature. That he would engage us again and again day after day even in all that we lack. He continues to use us when we have NOTHING to bring to the table. He has us here serving him and we don't even deserve to be. I didn't get it. I mean, I did...but I didn't. Why me...why us?
And then it happened. Two years of all eight of us making life work by the grace of God in the tiny two bedroom home, Leia Alexi was conceived and life promised to become even more surreal. Dylan had just started his senior year and I had been praying with the kids for either a bigger house or a way to learn to be supernaturally more at peace with the living situation. It wasn't impossible. It wasn't miserable. Infact, looking back, Mike and I would gladly do it again if life went on repeat. We grew so much individually, as a family and as Christ followers in that house. That's why the Lord sent us to that house. He set out to accomplish much in us and he did. Leia, as far as I am concerned, is the greatest "thing" that God had "happen to us" since our move to the Philippines in 2012. Dylan graduated four weeks after Leia's intensely worrisome birth and moved to Texas at the end of the summer for college. The mama heart was ripped to shreds and Tyler's senior year was staring us in the face. Another one already?
[Flashback August 2013] As we started out our second year in the Philippines, the Lord provided for Tori and Sierra to attend Faith Academy middle school. That would involve after school athletics, clubs, Outdoor Ed and a few other things I remember from my childhood. I was SO EXCITED for them. Unfortunately, Tori quickly developed a painful issue with one of her knees [in the first quarter] that prevented her from participating in PE and anything else sports related the rest of the year. A major disappointment for her since athletics would've provided another avenue for her social involvement with new friends. In her second year (8th grade) her situation hadn't changed and it certainly didn't look promising the next year either. However, after having been asked if she wanted to try joining the JV basketball team, I was reluctant...but she was ex-tactic. She prayed and in her excitement she risked it all, basically. She set out to try everything on the first day of practice. With indescribable joy she texted me describing how she had no problems whatsoever huffing and puffing through the drills and just going all out risking potential pain. That whole week she drilled and drilled, ran and ran, jumped and played HARD during practice with no pain whatsoever. It wasn't natural. Just the week before she was complaining. The month before that she had so much pain during high school retreat that she stayed on the verge of tears. So to suddenly go from ongoing pain to NOTHING....puzzling AND relieving. Like, ok. We'll take that, Lord! I can't take credit, though. As much as I/we prayed what credit is there to take? She's obviously healed and God takes center stage. She played the whole season unscathed and her confidence in God's supernatural was seriously boosted. Not for her sake. Not for mine. For HIS NAME sake.
Flash back to 2012. The weeks before all eight of us boarded the plane and were lifted off the Arizona soil Mike was already experiencing some decrease in his eye sight. He never actually said anything to me. But in our first month he had gotten his eyes checked and purchased his first [ever] pair of glasses. Since then his eye sight has continued to decline. While I kept chiming, "you have to be more careful of what you expose yourself to including diet," his suspicion and fears of the old man condition of cataracts grew.
Then the bottom fell out. The wheels fell off and God Almighty took us for another ride through stormy seas. The office lease wouldn't be renewed, the Davao station would have to be shut down, we would have to find a place to move the office AND our home. All this in less than two months over the Thanksgiving and Christmas Season. While God shaved off and pruned back the ministry, he answered prayers that were at least two years old. He brought us to a much bigger house which I still thank him for everyday. He provided for Mike to make a third trip back to the USA to pick up a second radio transmitter for one of the other radio stations located north of Davao. He made other provisions we hadn't even thought to pray for yet and, once again, glorified himself in ways we couldn't contribute to.
Fast forward to last November. Right before the bottom fell out and the wheels fell off. Sure enough. Another trip to the eye doctor confirmed Mike's fears and we made a trip to The American Eye Center at Shangri La. We returned home with confirmed diagnosis and the $$ number to pray for[for cataract surgery]. It was either that or complete healing. We kept praying for God to choose either. I was on the verge of all out pleading. Mike has been reluctant to add it to the prayer list in our monthly newsletter. But if there's one thing I have learned, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in EVERY situation, by prayer and petition, with THANKSGIVING, PRESENT YOUR REQUESTS TO GOD. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6,7. The cataracts, especially since we moved into the bigger house, seems to have advanced in speed. It's become increasingly difficult to work which involves looking at the computer monitor all day every day. Both eyes seem to compete as Mike strains to make out what is on the computer screen and/or the phone which he uses just as much for work. The last several weeks I have been the driver at night because he just can't see. Too much light from oncoming traffic blinding him.
[Flash forward to this week] Within 24 hours of the newsletter going out Mike and I received inquiries concerning his eyes. Some friends were going to take a trip overseas to see what work the Lord is doing there. Long story short, it's not happening and the money not being used for that is getting diverted for Mike's surgery....in the exact amount. I make no mention of names per their request. They are humbly honored to be graciously used by God and don't want to take any credit. They are only interested in his name being glorified.
But isn't that what this whole thing is about? Isn't it about being part of making God's great name glorified to the ends of the earth through every trial, every temptation, every super natural intervention.....everything?! Who am I that he would involve me? I have nothing. You know, I could spend hours and hours writing and complaining of every cultural mishap, obstacle, misunderstanding, upheavals and all sorts of messes we have encountered amid a broken world where God has called us so far away from our comfort zone. Then what? who takes the glory? Certainly not God. Me. Dubbed down low and ugly focus on poor little me. Poor us. Then where does that get us? We all know. Certainly not anywhere fast. Basically, no where.
The crucifixion of Christ was not a tragedy. It was the greatest achievement involving mankind. The trials and tribulations [and even temptations] in my [our] Christian life journey are not tragedies. They are God's achievements in us for HIS GLORY. All because he has graciously chosen to involve us in the process of drawing all men to himself. They all point to the greatest achievement. They point to God. They point to the gospel. They GLORIFY GOD.
I get it now. Like..... I really get it. I heard it a gazillion times before. I agreed with it, repeated it, understood it...but the NEW level of understanding is beyond description. Beyond words. This is the only epiphany that has literally pulsated the capillaries and palpitated the heart like never before. It nearly puts this one in tears wondering how I could've been so out of sync between the head knowledge and true understanding. I find myself grasping at the leash of language trying to describe what truly there are no words for. May all our kids replicate such an understanding and such a purpose......but much sooner......
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