Peace

Now that I’m well into my 50’s, protecting my peace has unexpectedly become a priority for me. This shift is surprising because, for decades, I believed that a humble, loving, and gracious person shouldn't selfishly pursue their own peace when others are hurting, angry, and need to be heard.

Since then, I have experienced enough to learn the other side of Christ’s command to take on others’ burdens. I have learned that someone else's pain and bitterness are not my responsibility to accommodate. If your pain and bitterness lead you to disrespect others and justify destroying them to elevate yourself, I will walk away and leave you to face your demons alone. Your demons are your responsibility, not mine. You must take that battle to the foot of the cross. It is not my responsibility to do that for you.

Two significant family members have felt entitled to disrespect me to a narcissistic degree simply because I stood up for the truth and established boundaries they were unwilling to respect. I created boundaries because it was clear their pain became their excuse to hurt, not a motivation to find healing. They had already taken my empathy and forgiveness far beyond the righteous purpose of empathy and forgiveness. 

I just heard someone else give this resolve to their own situation: “I will let you out and drop you off, before I let you start with your chaos…” something like that. That’s where I’m also at right now. I refuse to sacrifice my sanity to maintain peace with unhealthy individuals who disregard truth and what constitutes a healthy relationship. The truth is… that’s not maintaining peace. At their level of toxicity, maintaining peace equates to enabling their destructive demonic behavior. They feel entitled to persist in their toxicity, a behavior they would never tolerate from others. Somehow, they have deluded themselves into believing that their double standard is justified.

No thank you. If I have to walk away, at the risk of never reconnecting at a healthy level in this temporary life, so be it. I have paid enough emotionally, mentally and consequently… in my physical health. You no longer have access to me. As Jesus Christ is my protector, I will never make myself vulnerable to you so that you can try once again to destroy me and bully me into toxic submission to your demonic games. 

I choose to be strong enough to say “no more!” and never look back. If later down the road someone else has to tell you the same thing, maybe that’s what it will take for you to consider pursuing refuge and healing in Christ, rather than staying enslaved to the devil’s schemes. 

I have forgiven you. At the same time, I have chosen Christ’s peace over your chaos. 

May you one day decide to also break free. 

To your eventual healing…..