just call me Prego

8/27

It's one of those Saturday mornings since Mike's knee surgery.  We get a lot done...as long as our one vehicle is working. He gets a lot done in the bed or on the couch working from home on my laptop.  There's a lot that has to happen today.  As the chauffeur, the day's achievements and successes are basically on my shoulders.  But before getting up I just lay there.  It's been since when[?] that I've felt this body resemble something of a healthy one.  I'm two weeks "late".  But what's late?  It has been three years since regular [or normal] has been in the calender.  For whatever reason I check my abdominal area.  Hmm.... the uterus has grown.  Never before have I made any effort to figure out just how big it's suppose to be with no baby simply because there never really was any reason to.  So, if this is the normal size, that's strangely new to me.  Fibroid tumor perhaps?  Then again, if this isn't, then it would explain all the many hot flashes that have been perculating the insane amount of heat day in and day out the past two weeks.  Oh, and then the crazy cravings for sugary and savory yums.  

After making the rounds of dropping off three kids to their perspective birthday parties, the plan was to park myself at Barnes & Nobles for a couple hours.  I'd been looking forward to sitting down with a few magazines and something sweet for a few leisure hours.   But the morning's first hot flash came in like some sudden heat wave making the sweat feel like oozing blankets one layer after another.  Maybe DQ's  small chocolate oreo blizzard would give the brain freezing break.  So, that was the first stop in the mall.  Once in Barnes & Nobles, it only took FIVE minutes for that brain freeze  to produce goose bumps and a nice refresher.  But then.....wow, it wasn't long and the sleepy part tried to set in....again.  Crazy.  Just crazy. 

8/30

This morning, after dropping the kids off at school and before taking Mike to work, a quick stop at Wal-mart  was made to buy a test.  At the office testing was priority...which revealed a big priority for the next [what is it now?] eight to nine months.  Oh, boy.  Yeeehaw!  But what perplexing timing.  We're only 8% in our fund raising for the mission field, our insurance plan [through Mike's work] has changed [how in all the world are we going to pay for this now?] and what will the supporters think of a new baby?  Yah, yah....it's not their call to decide for us baby or no baby, but naturally I would think our already conservative [but big] annual budget is going to have to balloon [in their eyes].  No, it doesn't need to be increased.  By the time this child is ready to hit school, Dylan and Tyler will already be done and out of the house.  So, the school budget  for Faith Academy needs no increase. The food budget doesn't need to be increased before then either.  Hm.  Ho hum.  What's the Lord trying to say?  Trust? Sure.  Something else?  Absolutely.  There's no doubt it will all play out and be we revealed in the months to come.

SSShhhhh!!!  That's what I told Mike.  He's excited, ecstatic and wants to tell the whole world.  However, after two "diagnosed" miscarriages there is much reservation.  Nothing changes a woman the way a miscarriage does after having felt baby kicks and other movement....much less two miscarriages.  There is that horrifying helplessness for not having been given the slightest sign that something might be wrong and a chance to prevent the death.  That helplessness came too late twice.  Double the horror...two times.

The blog is easy.  How many of my [less than] 30 readers actually read it...and how many of  four that get email post reminders will actually do anything with the information in cyber social rooms and/or what not?   But this is a momentous day.  Thus, it needs to be recorded before the details are lost amidst the rest of life.

Time has not been wasted.  To free myself of any possible self-inflicted guilt, should we lose yet another baby, I went straight to the health food store to purchase perfect prenatals and replenished a few other whole food supplements.  If the doctor thinks of anything else for me, no problem.  In the mean time, this little peanut is getting every bit of help from me I can think of. 

As typed earlier, the timing is perplexing.  I've been on a diet that involves hormones.  A very successful one at that.  It's nice to weigh lighter.  Certain body parts  [ankles, hips] don't feel stressed.  However, it had been forgotten that after each phase, it resets not only the hypothalamus, but also hormones and organs linked to reproduction.  So, an apparent ovulation and baby in belly is the assurance given that everything female-ish is getting reset.  Another baby is nice.  But this body has yet to finish getting back  to full health. ...or, as close to it as highly possible. This oven is 38 smackers old. These days that's borderline "old" in the OBGYN calender.  Doctors make moms aware of the increased risk for things like the extra chromosome: down syndrome...and offer and/or insist [depending on the doctor] on the screening which can increases risk of miscarriage.   Thanks, but absolutely NO thanks.  

I'm trusting Jesus.....for EVERYthing.  From my health, to baby's health, to timing, to financial provision for the next eight to nine months...all of it.  Had we already been moved to Manila, the financial part would've been zero stress from the get go.  It's amazing how private insurance now penalizes clients.  It didn't used to be this way.  All my kids either cost me nothing or $20 at most.  Now we're lookin' at serious pocket gauging.   But at this point, I/we may have to live and learn exactly what that trust entails....for which there are/will be no words to describe.