the last six years

Studly came walking down the stairs after several hours of the nice comforting A/C run office.  He proclaims that he wants to go out on a date with his bride. The stud is still crazy in love with me.  It always blows my mind and leaves me wondering how that can possibly be with as sinful of a human being that I am.  That's what makes a great marriage.  Committing to love the heck out of that other gorgeous soul no matter what dark secrets have been surfaced between the two of you.

After unsuccessful attempts to find something in Antipolo we settled on parking ourselves in SM Masinag and enjoying some Yaki Mix grub.  The great carnevore before me brought to the table a plateful of various raw meats to grill on the table. Acting like famished skeletons the cooking and stuffing of the maws began. In the process of delectable food particles dancing between our teeth  we exchanged thoughts.

I start. "So, how would you describe the last six years?"  Studly pauses and decides he's going to just come up with a few words and then explain them.  I didn't write down his explanations for each but I definitely understood what he was saying.  That's easy because I have lived those last six years with him.  

Painful. Lonely. Challenging. Strength building. Character developing. [Self] Emptying. Clarifying. Maturing. Defining. Renewing. Stretching.  Those were his words.  

In the same spirit and understanding, my words are as follows......

Re-understanding of what I thought I knew.  That's actually for many things in life, really.  The better term is probably something more along the lines of  developing a far better understanding (mmmmm...something like that).  But more specifically, it leads to the next thing I said: Spiritual epiphanies.  This mind and heart has learned more in the last six years than there was ever learned in the 39 years before.  Sometimes it feels like I've come VERY late to the game.  What is understood now I often pine and wish to have understood [and lived out] at least before the first child was conceived.  The brain would probably contort and break into millions of pieces if I tried to put into words what those epiphanies are.  None-the-less the hope and prayer is that no matter how late to the game it seems I have come, I have at least woken up in the bare nick of time for all our kids to still leave our home with their own FRUITful relationship with the Lord.  Having said all that it needs to be noted that I haven't exactly arrived.  There's still a long road ahead, baby !!!

Self evaluation is probably one of the things we all conduct on ourselves on a daily basis. But in the last six years it has been a more constant mental, emotional, psychological and spiritual exercise. That has also been riddled with fluctuating levels of self confidence which undoubtedly wars with trusting God on a daily basis.  God called me to missions.  To do exactly what, other than be the supporting wife of a Christian Radio broadcaster, has been a constant question accompanied with all sorts of opportunities at my feet.  I never finished college before getting married and having kids. This fact often plagues me like  the family conundrum of the missing socks. Yet,  I've learned of those in the same boat working in small non-profit organizations and doing a remarkable job making an impact in so many lives for the kingdom.

Having been through so many of God's tests, since we got to the Philippines, we have often found ourselves daring to go forward no matter how scary the week or months ahead may look.  He has proven that there is no task too great as long as we trust him in every area that trust is required.  It is more than safe to put our confidence in the God who created the universe and blows the man made theory of evolution into millions upon millions of  pieces that self destruct millions of times over. 

There has been a constant renewing of the mind as God sets forth challenges for us to over come in order to prepare us for the next challenging assignments ahead. There is no end to his lessons and teaching as he molds us.  Truth be profoundly told, I absolutely SUCK at "making disciples" as Jesus charged the first disciples. So, in my honest opinion.... I'm likely one of the worst overseas missionaries. However,  it's been a joy to share with our kids and guide them towards their own relationship with God.  It's such a great responsibility which I have carried out with so many shortcomings.  Howevever, God Almighty has me as a partner in media missions with  my Studly.  And when he has deemed it time to put me in the more active role of bearing fruit among women and orphans may we continue to grow through every challenge.