So, reading through James and Peter [last week] I was profoundly impressed by the encouragement not to be vexed over the slightest to biggest wrong doing from anybody. No matter what it is, we should be willing to suffer at the hands of others because of the magnitude of what Christ did for us. I'm starting to get a better picture of what getting slapped on one cheek and giving the other actually means. For by surrendering the need to be right, the world sees Jesus as they should by his grace and mercy displayed in our behavior. Most likely I've already heard this so many times in church. But at age 41 it finally resounds...especially after all the issues we Christians have been willing to battle over lately for the sake of our own religious and personal rights. That has really struck a chord with me.
Then over the weekend, the Lord literally put me through the first test I will forever remember after reading those passages. Two collisions with careless motor bikers in two days. Friday and Saturday. Everything in me wanted to make sure I wouldn't get taken advantage of and the financial responsibilities of the other guy wouldn't get unjustly forced on me. After all, I wasn't the careless driver. Why should I pay for something that's not my fault just because the other guy and the cop says it's the human thing to do (??)....which doesn't necessarily always mean the right thing either. I made myself clear in both incidents that I had no intention of paying for unrelated medical bills either. As my son, who was watching me from afar, described my behavior after the second hit, "mama, you took control. you looked hot out there." Whatever that means. No, nothing to be proud of. And then....well, then God Almighty gently took me through the steps of mercy living. He told me to shut off my need to be right, my need to protect my donated missionary resources and my need protect my family. He told me that only He is truly right and that I'm jaded in my definition of right by my own sin. He controls our resources and protects this family. He does all that. Then he really honed in on it by Sunday's teaching of Genesis 1. We are but a speck on this earth, which is a speck in the milky way, which is a speck in the universe filled with millions of other galaxies. If all He created is so magnificent, then how much more is He? What in the world was I getting my panties in a knot for? Standing in awe....standing in awe here. Then....then he told me to go above and beyond for the other guy and trust him to provide the following day [Monday]. I chose to trust him and he definitely provided for it.....and then some.
Blood within these veins has been gradually rising to a boil. I've learned that if you look Filipino and yet refuse to speak in Tagalog but in English only (which I do in many situations because I'm just not there with the language yet), your fellow kabayans will look at you with disgust as if to say, "You think you're better than me because your English is so smooth yet you can't speak our mother tongue??" I've been laughed at as they walk away and loudly tell each other that I'm Filipino but too stupid to talk like one. I've been scowled at. I've been glared at. It's been brutal. I've spewed my frustrations onto my husband and I have cried. I've entertained the idea of just giving up on trying to learn something that's not even my mother tongue. Binukid is my mother tongue from the province of Bukidnon. One late night, I found one of my Filipino friends online. He is FilAm like me. His family moved to California when he was young so his English is perfect. But that's practically all that was spoken in the home. As I was briefly explaining my dilemma to him he revealed to me that he's not exactly fluent in Tagalog either. So, what he does before reverting back to English, because he doesn't understand what was said or know how to reply in Tagalog, is he simply apologizes and says he should not only already know but is working on learning the language better now that he's moved back to Manila. Because Filipinos are quick to judge in that kind of situation, by simply apologizing he diffuses all potentially awkward tension filled moments in public. So, as Mike and I ventured out to various government service offices this week, to tie up some loose ends, I timidly tried that approach. I let the guards and the employee behind the glass window know that I don't speak Tagalog by simply first apologizing and then we continued with our English dialogue. What a humbling experience. But no ugly looks. None.
Having truly experienced the refresher to the psyche, by removing myself and my ego from the somewhat superior position I'd much rather see myself in, I'm beginning to understand the benefits of humility and mercy living. Why didn't I get it before? Oh, that's right.... I wasn't ready for it before.
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