1) There should be the honest admission that, while on one hand I was ready to leave the chaos of life in Manila, on the other hand, I wasn't ready. The heart's druthers are to still be that overseas missionary family experiencing God outside the borders of the first world country we had left behind for a preferably much longer season. What could be better than to marry a man willing to serve God overseas? Well, realizing you've married a man who had grown to love my people and he loves them dearly. He appreciated so much about the culture and fell so in love with not just the city, but also the beauty of the surrounding provinces, and the beaches.... particularly Puerto Galera. He saw the beauty of my country, my people and my culture. He accepted it all as his own. So, we both are still grieving and missing the people and place we called home for a decade. Boy, did that decade go way too fast.
2) Mike and I had envisioned that ALL of our kids would grow up in the Philippines, in the Philippine culture, in the TCK culture, in the missionary culture, and graduate from Faith Academy. (We had a slightly different ideal in mind for the youngest two: start education in a local tagalog speaking school, and therefore be even more immersed in the culture of their heritage. However, one only went so far as second grade and the bunso never even got a chance because we left the country before she started kindergarten). Well, the four eldest are Faith Academy alumni... but only those four. Number five was robbed of it after having developed his close knit social circle from second grade on. Number six just barely made friends of those who would've been his eventual classmates once he transferred, and number seven was too young to know any potential classmates. A decade is not nearly long enough to make such an accomplishment with a family our size.
I grieve for our youngest three. Especially when they still talk of wanting to go back to what was home for them. Even more so as we witness the dwindling of what they do remember of home. As the weeks and months come and go, there is a definite longing to [at the very least] make frequent visits with them so they can keep one foot in both worlds.
I grieve for myself because my home country has changed in a way that I would have never imagined. Unnecessary fear has gripped the country. So, yes.... I also grieve for my country. With that fear came the removal of freedoms to move about as we had for our first eight years in the country. Everyone can move about, only it now requires going through hoops, pointless invasive antibody testing, paperwork, unnecessary vaccinations...etc. All of which I give a one massive eye rolls over. Why? The world is told to follow the science when, in reality, today what that really means is IGNORE and toss out actual scientific data (that has no conflict of interest attached) and comply with the insanity of the powerful fearmongers and elite control freaks. The global powers that be have lost much control and their narrative has lost much steam. Their so-called science continues to unravel and the public trust continues to dwindle. That's usually the fate of propaganda based on lies.
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| Lucas, Puerto Galera, Mindoro island, Philippines Our family picked a place that we traditionally vacationed. We've never been anywhere else. I think that's the best way to vacation as a family. This place remains near and dear to our hearts |
Once again, Mike and I (and the kids) are making new friends. We don't necessarily have any social circles that we've joined or formed. Maybe they will come in time? Is that not the natural human behavior....finding a group of people you have most in common with? At this point I'm feeling clueless. I remember how hard it seemed to be, in our first couple years in Manila, to find people we related most comfortably with when it came to much needed leisure moments of just blowing the breeze on the days we weren't "working." It took about a year or two. Now that we've been in Iowa for a year I can say that we spend the most time with my sister and her family, and I have one friend who's been so kind, gracious, inviting and super relatable.... and she's a good six years younger than myself. 😄
Though my sister can speak three words (at most) at a time, since her stroke several years ago, her sweetness and kindness are still very strongly felt. Life has dealt her a rather hard blow over her entire 45 years of life, but she continues to overcome with grace. I would say the same thing for my brother-in-law. He's a good man who keeps fighting to do the best for his family no matter the trial. We have really enjoyed the opportunity to get to know them (family of six) better. I will admit that there are times I wish my sister was able to verbalize more of what's on her mind, especially when I ask her personal questions. There's so much she wants to say in response but the stroke has really restricted her capacity to do that.
Amidst the chaos of 2020, I had enrolled into Grace School of Theology which is located in Houston, Texas. I enrolled into their online program only because the Philippine tuition rate made it incredibly economical. There are memories of having developed the desire to go into seminary for the simple purpose of learning. God Almighty used an amazing and globally known pastor to spark the fire of renewed passion to increase in knowledge in the source of my faith right before we had moved to the Philippines. So, after that move I continued to watch more of his teachings on YouTube which expanded to other world renowned Bible Scholars of developing interest. I was in the middle of two courses when I made the transition back to the states with the youngest two and have since then continued (and I am now in the middle of the summer courses). If the Philippine scholarship is extended for me here in the states (for the fall classes), then I will continue towards my Bachelors in Biblical Studies. If not, it will be extremely difficult to continue. Actually, it will be impossible. The hope and prayer is that we can keep the scholarship.
Mike has found a job that not only pays well, but comes with very good benefits. On top of that, it's one of those 12 hr shift jobs with 2-3 days off at a time. So, no matter how many days he works a week, it still calculates to over time which equals good pay. He also managed to finish his courses with Grace School of Theology this past Spring and got his Masters in Ministry.
Mike learned this last week that he's developed the reputation (for lack of better words) and title "Pastor Mike" at work, which he doesn't recall having said anything to bring that on. However, this is a man who typically develops very good relationship with those he works with and handles himself very well (along with caring for others) even in tough work situations. What is there to be surprised about? Although, the two gentlemen that interviewed him for the job do know that he pastored in the Philippines and was finishing up seminary when he got here. Last weekend he was asked to go to the home of one of his co-workers and pray a "blessing" for them in a house (that they had just moved into) because they felt that they were seeing some scary supernatural activity. So, Mike felt very privileged to minister to a coworker and his family. Clearly this is one of many [more] confirmations to come, from God Almighty, that we are geographically right where He truly has planned for us to be at this point in time.
If you've been reading my blog, you know why we have transitioned back to the states. That situation has the ongoing need of prayer and wisdom. I knew, before making the transition, that it would not come with an easy beginning. In our first month that was very clear. The dynamics of the situation, along with the dynamics of the grief many missionaries experience when they leave the overseas mission field, were (and still are) acute. Having said that, I realize this is yet another God-given opportunity for personal and spiritual growth. I may be turning 50 this coming November, but I still feel like a spiritual infant who hasn't even left the starting block of life's race.
I am thankful for all the prayer warriors and supporters. However, I am even more thankful for the grace and mercy of God Almighty who sustains my every breath, though I do not deserve it. Here's to a new journey with our Creator, a new season, a new call, a new "career" and all the other new things to come. In the mean time we can hope to make frequent visits.
